Family Chat: Feeling On the Outside of Comedy with Thalia Romina
In this episode, Thalia Romina @thethaliaromina and I talk about her feeling on the outside as a female comedian.
Summary
Taylor Rae’s 'On the Outside' features an interview with Thalia, a New York comedian, discussing her career, a memorable dermatologist story, and female comedy. Thalia’s comedy journey began with Jorge Merce's encouragement at the Puerto Rican Traveling Theater, under Veronica Mosie's guidance, navigating the competitive scene and contrasting it with acting's teamwork. She highlights support from Alex Coo, an encounter with Jim Gaffigan, and mentoring NYU students, addressing comedy as political art, industry challenges, and authenticity. Thalia emphasizes kindness, navigating 'boys club' culture, and handling sensitive humor.
Transcription
Taylor Rae Almonte-Roman
Welcome back. It's your host Taylor Ray. And this is another episode of on the outside. Hello. Hello. Hello. We have another family chat today. And honestly, so sadly, it is Thalia’s last week hanging out with us. I always feel so sad when it's the end of an era with one of our guests who's also someone in my family that I love. But we have a great episode. As always, Tulia told us a little bit, her first episode that she's an actor, she's a comedian.
She does it all. And today we're going to get a little bit more into how it feels being a female comedian in New York. What stories does Thalia have that make her feel like an outsider? What experience has she had? What are the vibes? She's going to share it all with us today. Let's get into it. She's here. She's back. It's week three to Leah here.
Thalia Romina
What's going on everybody?
Taylor Rae Almonte-Roman
That's how we start. That's how I start all my texts to you.
Thalia Romina
Yeah, I always text, I text people like that too or I'll start speaking of comedy, I'll start a show and be like here if I hear it's like New York people and they'll say it back obviously.
Taylor Rae Almonte-Roman, Thalia Romina
Yeah, it's, am call, I only say it to you.
Taylor Rae Almonte-Roman
Oh, really? Because you're in New York, girl? Wait, really? That you're the only person I say it to. I'm not just walking around the world like you're, yeah, it's only for you. Yeah, I asked you why you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you are,
Thalia Romina
it's not like an animal. That's me.
Taylor Rae Almonte-Roman
That's all you girlie. It could never be me. I could never be a comedian. I think I'm like, he, he ha ha funny, like at home but not for the streets, not for like strangers.
Thalia Romina
I think there's a level, there's a combination of self hatred and narcissism in order for you to be a stand up comedian. I'm dead ass. Like there is no, there's no way around it. I think I've had, I have a body that's very lived in and I've experienced a lot of things, a lot of good, a lot of bad things in my life. And I think that I couldn't have gotten my start in comedy earlier.
I think I would have completely failed and maybe even given up on it, abandoned it if it had not been for starting it in my late twenties because I think things would have been so different for me and I probably would have given up. So that, that there's, that I, I've been told I was, everyone has told me ever, you should do stand up, you should do stand up.
You should, you should do stand up. You're a funny girl. I'm a funny girl. I think it's just also, there's the kind of person you have to be, to be stand up. I think it leans itself to my personality, which is like, I'm very authentic to who I am. I sit in my spirit most of the time. Like, it's not even the jokes because like a lot of times I'm just like, sometimes I feel like people get part of the reason why I'm funny is that I'll say the inconvenient truth.
Like I'll, I'll say something. OK. So this is, I thought this was funny. I was at a doctor party, my sister is a doctor and I was at a friend of hers birthday party. It was all doctors. I don't know if you guys know this, but doctors are a little socially, not necessarily as adept. So I literally was like to one, I wasn't even trying to be funny.
Like I was talking to this dermatologist and I was like, oh, really quick. My butt hole is raw. Can I put aqui for on my butt hole? And she was dying laughing and she's like, you can actually like, it's, it's OK, rotate the skin. I was like, thank you so much. It was like that day I had the A four in my bag and I was scared.
Taylor Rae Almonte-Roman, Thalia Romina
I was like, oh thank God I could finally talk to someone and ask them because I was dead, sir.
Taylor Rae Almonte-Roman
She's a stranger.
Thalia Romina
A complete stranger. I've never met her in my life. My sister was like, nice to meet you. Nice to. Oh my God. This is my sister. Blah, blah, blah, blah. I didn't ask my sister because she works in endocrine.
Taylor Rae Almonte-Roman, Thalia Romina
You were like, she doesn't know, she knows hormones.
Taylor Rae Almonte-Roman
She doesn't know about if I can put ZHB. Let me ask a stranger. Leo, I'm so dead.
Thalia Romina
Like I don't care. You know what I mean? Like who cares? I get embarrassed. Just not easily, but I do get embarrassed
Taylor Rae Almonte-Roman
and once again could never be me. I'm so dead. That is so funny. I feel like we are. I don't think that you and I, we're not like a caricature like a sitcom. Best Friends that we're complete opposites. But I feel like in some ways we are no 100%. I'm tall. You're short. Like we, I feel like we could, we are opposite in some ways, height wise for sure.
Thalia Romina
That shit is funny. Like, you know what I mean? I'm like stocky. I was built to birth like millions of Children were just, I was just saying that, but I, you're like a ballerina.
Taylor Rae Almonte-Roman
I'm not like a comedian is something that we are opposite to. It. Couldn't be me for sure.
Thalia Romina
For sure. I think a lot of people feel that way and I think I was scared of it for a long time. Until finally, I had like, I had like so many people saw my agents like I had a director tell me I was in a show called Puerto Rican at the Puerto Rican Traveling Theater. And the director was like, Jorge Merce, shout out to him. The director was like, you know, I really think you should do this.
And he was like, I'm queer. You're funny for queer people, queer people don't think a lot of people are funny. That's what he said. He was like, you need to get, you need to do it. So I was like, you know what, let me take the plunge and sign up for a class. But also the reason was I wasn't getting enough work as an actor and I was like, I need to diversify like divide and conquer if I'm gonna, if I'm able to like, really get more work.
And I, I was able, it honestly taught me to be a fearless performer. So I was like, I was, I kept thinking, I was looking back at my old tapes, like comedy tapes and I was like, wow, I was so I was still like a performer. There was a mask and I do think I am of the creed that a all art is political and b that when you're doing stand up, first of all, there's no money in stand up.
So when you're doing it, you're doing it for the love of the craft and for other avenues, right? And c is that there, like there has to be a, there's still a mask, it has to be repeatable, a repeatable craft, repeatable art form. But you're a craftsman, you're not an artist. I, they're very, two very different things, but you have to be as authentically you as possible in order for it to work.
Comedy also evolved, like stand up is a relatively new art form and it's evolved in a lot of ways where like you see the highly physical, highly vaudevillian comedy is not really what we're seeing anymore. So there's, there's also that, so I, I got into it a couple of years ago. I took a class and my teacher who is amazing. She is a, you know, veteran comic Veronica Mosie.
She was like, you can really do this, like she said and told me aside and she's like, you can do this. Like this is like, you know, there are not a lot of comics like you out there and I was like, that's crazy. Like that giving her, giving me a compliment was insane. And, and so when I got plunged into the world of comedy, you know, I have a really good friend who kind of helped me, you're a really good friend, but not your best friend.
Not my best friend. That's me. My friend Alex Coo, who was like the homie for real. He's an amazing comedian. Check him out. I'm like, shouting everybody out here. Like it's a product place. He, you know, he really helped me so much to kind of help me get my footing. And I think I was able to skip the line on a lot of things because I've been scammed before as an actor.
So I was able to bypass a lot of like other things that comedians go through and a lot of comics weren't fond of that. Like they weren't happy for me for that. I think as a woman, it's a boys club and people are like, oh she's a woman. She gets so much work, not really, bro. Like I, I've had a lot of issues being a woman. I definitely felt like I was on the outside.
Actors are so much more collaborative. They always wanna because it's so not personal. Acting is so not personal that like there's so many other people who have to say yes to you before. You can like really get work in the interpretative sense, work in the mainstream sense that like that it, you feel out of control as an actor. But it also is like, if someone who just started acting gets a TV role and you've been doing it for 10 years and you don't get it, it's not necessarily your fault
or their fault. It just happened. They were right for the role in comedy, for better or for worse. There's a, there's almost like an order. You know what I mean? There's like a, a plus B plus C plus D and then if you work really hard, you'll be able to get somewhere. So people are like, well, if you got that opportunity, you and you weren't, you haven't put 10 years into it, then maybe there's an issue or like you've got, are you fucking somebody?
Are you? I had someone told me, oh you're not, you, you must be an intern. I'm like, no, I'm dead as a comic. I just told jokes for this comedy club. Oh You know somebody, I literally don't know anyone like so I was able to buy about certain things and people think, oh it's because she's a woman or like the whole the vultures out there, the culture vultures like the, the joke stealers like those, you know, the scam artists, they're all a bunch of weirdos.
You guys are weird comedians are weird, man. They're weird. So I had to experience a lot of that and that was a little bit. I'm thinking of the word in Spanish cho cane. It was just a little bit jarring for me to experience like, oh you guys aren't collaborative. You, you do not have my best. I am a threat at all times. You do not have my best interests.
At heart. That's crazy because that's just not the way actors move. Like you need a people to make it work. Let's collab, let's do this. Let's take a class together in comedy. It's like, ok, great. If you put in the work, you will get somewhere if you like, you know what I mean? If you have enough social because a lot of comedians have antisocial behavior that works on stage but doesn't work very well off stage.
When you're weird, when you don't know how to like, talk to people, I have like, I'm probably had, I don't have enough fans social behavior on stage, but I have like pretty, I'm pretty good at socializing off stage. So, you know, it's a little bit, people are getting a little bit like confused or like disarmed by that, but it has worked in my favor.
I've also been in the arts for mad fucking long. Yo. My first acting job was when I was 13. Like, it's not, people are like, I'm like, I've been at this, like there's crossover, there is crossover. So it's been really hard to not get mad. Like I'm so angry all the time. Anytime someone does me dirty or like doesn't res off the bat does not respect me because that's also normal. You gain your respect, you earn it with time and with building relationships and people will try to bring you
down and active people just ignore you. But like they will go out of their way to bring you down. And that is so frustrating like I will get so angry and I will make a mental note. I'm petty as fuck. I'm petty Betty. So I will take a note, I will take a note and be like, all right, I'll make a note of that. Like you want to play that game two can play it and I'm going to play better than you.
Taylor Rae Almonte-Roman
So are you not of the the creed of like that forgiveness is the answer for all.
Taylor Rae Almonte-Roman, Thalia Romina
I feel like I knew that, but I just wanted to confirm no, because I'm just one of God's humble servants.
Thalia Romina
I'm not God.
Taylor Rae Almonte-Roman
That's so Dominican of you to say you always say that in Spanish. I do remember at the Bachelorette, somebody was trying to sell you something and you were like, I'm just one of God's ser servant. You say it in Dominican Republic and you were trying to translate it to all of the other. Like you like what?
Taylor Rae Almonte-Roman, Thalia Romina
And you're like, oh, I'm just telling them I'm one of God's humble servant because because they would try to take advantage of us because they're like, these Americans are going to like they're in dollars, they see dollar signs.
Thalia Romina
And I'm like, oh, I'm just one of God's humble servants. I'm not here to drop a lot of bread. Same goes for me like I am not, I am human. I am petty. Like obviously they is a time and place to be the bigger person versus the better person is what I call it. But I will get my lick back. I will always get my lick back and I know that that's not, sometimes you got to pick and choose your own fights. Like, and I know I know when to do it.
Taylor Rae Almonte-Roman, Thalia Romina
Like I'm, I've been at this for a while but I will, I never forget, it hurts from laughing.
Thalia Romina
I just don't forget when people do me dirty. I like, I'll hurt you like I'm on his level. So obviously, but I will always always remember the people who held me down like there are some comedians like that were just so kind to me in the beginning and like, I'm like, oh, ok. I, I will always keep you in mind. I will always consider you but the ones that haven't considered me for no reason sometimes it's not personal. They're just like, oh, you're not relevant because I don't know who you are and I'm going to be rude to you for no reason. I'm like, OK, cool. It'll come back to bite you in the face because to be honest, anybody I know that's pretty successful and knows what they do. They're not like that. Like the ones that I've met I'm not, you know what I'm saying? I met Jim Gaffigan the other night and that made my day that made my week that made my year and he was just the kind of soul.
Taylor Rae Almonte-Roman
I totally, even though I mean, I'm not even really a, I won't say that I'm not an actor, I definitely respect the time that I spent, which was so much of my life without being review, but not. So I'll say I'm not actively pursuing acting opportunities at this moment. My actors access account is closed for this moment. But even in like, I do like I do like the mentorship program for NYU, right?
And I like mentor students and a lot of them that they match me with, want to go to grad school, want to do things in nonprofits, want to do things in social justice, racial justice content, creation things that I do now, which has a lot of overlap with a lot of actors. And I had one of these girls that I mentored, she specifically reached out to me to be like, I don't think that you have the knowledge that I need to get to my next level of my career.
So I no longer want to be mentored by you. And I was like, that's an insane thing. That's to tell someone because and I not in as much as spiteful way, but I'm not going to forget that because I will never help you. If you need a recommendation letter, I would never write you one because that's so weird. Like I will be so kind and grateful to anyone that wants to help me or give me any sort of information.
I would be so kind and grateful to, I went to a women's health event and because I've been on the platform so much and in the magazine so much I had people come up to me that I genuinely have never met in my life. And I was like, oh my God, I love it. Hey, what's up?
Thalia Romina
Did that cost you any emotion? Why would I not be nice? I don't get what the, that's the thing that I don't understand.
Taylor Rae Almonte-Roman, Thalia Romina
Why are people just, you never know how that goes with that goes a long way and you never know, you never know.
Thalia Romina
And it's not about being fake. I'm just happy with myself as a person.
Taylor Rae Almonte-Roman
It's never been an impetus for someone to be like DM me, I get so many random like Instagram D MS where people be like, hey, I'm getting a corgi, I saw you made a youtube video about having a corgi like things that are so random to me. I will always be like, oh yeah, what's up like, yeah, this is the kind of toy I got my dog like it costs you nothing to be nice to people and I never have the impulse to be mean for no reason. So yeah, I totally, I totally agree with you. That's weird behavior and you should not forget it.
Thalia Romina
No, I don't. It's also interesting because it's like I get both sides of the same coin. I do feel like, because it's a boys club and because there aren't women, it's almost like walking into a barbershop. Everyone's like, they're looking at you like, fresh blood. They're like, can I fuck her? Can I learn from her? Like, oh, in like, how long is she going to last?
Like, she won't be able to handle it. Like, there's like all of that. So I do think sometimes men, I had a conversation with another comic and he's like, yeah, I'll be honest, I'm kind of mean to people that I don't know. And I'm like, why do you do that? And he's like, it's just, it's just, it's like their condition now. Like it's part of the, if you don't do that, then you're a weird comic.
And I was like, you were mean to me. He's like, that's because you're a girl to you. No. What? Like, what's the point of that? So I, and with female comics, I find that because the non binary ones are always cool. The female comics, it'll be like, either they're cool, cool, like sis, we're in this together or it's like you're a threat. They're like, pick me shows, they are pick me girls, they're like, pick me, choose me and they say you as a threat in their like bubble and I'm like, it's
really just extremes which is unfortunate and it's like I'm saying, stuff on this podcast that nobody talks about, nobody wants to talk about. Everyone's always afraid to call other comics out. And I think because of my background in acting and because I'm also an actor in a comic, it's like, I guess I have less to lose in their minds.
Taylor Rae Almonte-Roman, Thalia Romina
So I'm like, so when this episode blows up and everyone, everyone is gonna be like, oh shit, he's calling everybody.
Thalia Romina
I'm not naming any names though. But I, there are except for like Alex Cole who's amazing. But I'm like, go see his, let's go watch his podcast, go see his stand up. It's just one of those things I've had, I've had so many great experiences but for, but I've probably had, hm, no, actually that's not true. I've, I've definitely had more great experiences than, than bad experiences. because you're in the trenches, like you're, most of the stand up work is for free. You're doing it for free, you're doing it to build relationships, get connections and hoping that you get to a point where your technique is good enough. You're funny enough. Get your funny up that you're able to then start making money off of your funny up and, and you know, get representation to then like, recommend you to festivals and build relationships and whatever and I'm just to diversify my portfolio. Yeah. But yeah, but the great, I think one of the beautiful things about stand up is it's similar to like nightlife in the sense that everyone's in the trenches. So, like your homies are your homies and people, people that do stand up, they've seen some shit, you know, like I feel like that's definitely people that cope with humor.
And I, and it's a free space, like I could say anything and that will cancel me a million times. But there's a camaraderie between comics where we know that it's, it really is just jokes. Like it's not, there's a way to approach that, right? I think there are comics, you know, famous comics that definitely have bend the rules and not to their favor and have taken advantage of what's it called?
Punching down, punching down. It's just then it's just not a good joke, but also just like punching down is another example or like maybe, you know, telling stories that damage whole groups of people or like, but not in not well done like Lisa Lampanelli who's not, doesn't practice comedy or doesn't do comedy anymore. She said she was talking about a certain comic who got really in trouble for saying something and she said you have to be really lovable in order for you to get away with it. Like, and you know, like Andy Warhol said, art is getting away with it. Like that is comedy, you can get away with it because I can make a joke to you Taylor about, let's say you're really self conscious about your ears. You're not. But let's say you are imagine you're like, oh my God. And I'm like, why would you say that on this podcast?
And I'm like, you know, you big eared bitch. Let's say it's funny because you have, there's a trust, you know, I don't mean it, but if there's anything in me where you don't trust me so true that it's like now it's not funny anymore. I can call your brother an idiot or, you know, I can't call your brother, you're an idiot. But like you can call your brother an idiot.
There's a camaraderie, there's a trust and if you can, that's, if that's done well. So you're playing, it's a, it's clown work, you're playing. It's a very fine line. You're playing with people's emotions. Sometimes things are not offensive. They're just not funny. People don't understand the difference. Like if you're, there are jokes that people make, I, I will give you an example.
So I phenotypic. I look, I mean, I look all kinds of things but I look, people will confuse me and think, think I am Middle Eastern or of like, you know, Arab descent, right? And, or Southeast Asian also. And I had to do a whole bit about it about this. during the Israeli Palestine conflict when things first was still happening. But when it first came out when everything first started coming out, I unbeknownst to me, I thought about it if I should take it away from my material.
And I said, you know what it's about what I look like, it has nothing to do with the conflict. It's just about what I look like in me getting. because of the perception of what I look like. I, would get like free things at the bodega or like the Halal cart, whatever, right? I realized that when I started doing the bit, it wasn't working anymore. And I think it's because when people started to hear it, they're like, I don't want to hear, I don't want to think about people dying.
So when you're so saying that I thought that it's offensive, it's just not funny anymore. It's like too close. So I took it out completely out of my, my arsenal of work that I do that like written material or like worked on material on stage because I'm like, I don't want to put people, people are not coming here to have to have a political conversation.
They want to come here to laugh and, and make them think and that it's not funny. I'm not serving the audience is like, I'm not doing my job. So let me take that away. You know what I mean? Like, it's like doing a joke about 911 on 911. Like Chris Stefano pulled it off beautifully. He did a beautiful job because his mom is a survivor of 911. And he did that, that famous bit from the comedy seller on 911. and it worked beautifully, but like, not everybody could do that. You have to find a way. He's also been at this for over 10 years. So I think there's it's getting away with it and just finding the fine line of like having the thick skin to accept that, you know, I'm gonna get, there are gonna be more bombs.
They're gonna be more people being mean to me, there's gonna be more people trying to make a pass at me. I'm sexually putting me in uncomfortable situations and there's gonna be more of that and you just gotta learn to like deal with it and, and bring laughter to people, which is what matters.
Taylor Rae Almonte-Roman
Ok. Friends. That was Thalia’s last episode on the podcast for season one. Of course, you can find her social handles in the show notes or you can find her everywhere as Thalia Romina and you got to keep up with her comedy. She gave you some little tidbits. If anyone's listening to this, that was considering being a comedian.
Now, you kind of got a little bit of the ins and outs coming up next week for my family chats. We have my cousin Shailene. I'm so excited to get into our conversation. See you out there.
